Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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