No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
