How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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