It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
