why do cheetos always look like penises
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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