why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
