Do you still have your period?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
