i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
