Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You have to summon your inner elephant
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
