new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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