Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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