the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
