omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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