I cannot find my penis.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
