I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
