I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
