she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
