I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
