so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
