i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
