my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
