Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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