So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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