I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
