Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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