Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
