i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Randomize
