i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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