I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
