News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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