But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
