so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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