He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
