I would go down on you faster than GM stock
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
