bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
