so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
