I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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