My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
