I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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