Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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