I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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