What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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