loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
