my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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