We're facebook friends in real life
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Randomize
