It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
