I CAN MOONWALK!
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
