so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
