Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
