Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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