Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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